Parenting

5 Things That No One Ever Told You About Becoming New Parents

posted by Mommy Tincture October 29, 2017 14 Comments

Motherhood is associated with all the things ecstatic that are supposed to make you feel blessed. But no one talks about the darker side of being a good mother. Yes! Believe me. There is this dark dimension to being a mother which every mother suffers through all alone because talking about it without the fear of being judged is almost impossible.

This dark reality of motherhood that I talk about is beyond the pain of breastfeeding, nappy changes and sleepless nights watching the child. These are things that have a lasting impact psychologically and “normal” becomes a thing of the past.

Read on to dispel some myths of parenting –

1. The baby brings a lease of fresh air to a couple’s relationship! MythBuster…

It is a general notion that becoming parents brings a couple closer. That the baby acts as a cementing factor in their relationship. But no tells you that the cementing is just because there’s a hell lot of responsibility once you become parents. You just cannot manage the child all alone, you NEED each other for support so that you can keep your sanity intact. If you ask couples about how their personal relationship has developed after the baby, most of them will start cribbing about no ‘we’ time, no carefree outings, no chatting and cuddling in the bed until the baby is weaned out of the bed etc. It is always and only about the baby.

2. The post partum shift…

Till such time when the baby is in the womb, the mother i.e. you are the priority. Everything revolves around your comfort. But as soon as the baby is born all the limelight and attention is drawn towards the baby (naturally so!). The radical shift in everybody’s attention affects you and you suddenly start feeling left out or ignored. Things get worse when your parents, in-laws and sometimes even your spouse begin to view you as a caretaking machine of the baby and nothing beyond.

3. The continual Balancing Act…

This is specifically for the mothers who decide to continue working even after having a baby. There are cases where working is not a choice. To make the ends meet comfortably, couples decide to remain working parents. But the ambitious “wicked” mothers who want to really, I mean really pursue a career even post motherhood, are the impious sufferers. In a constant balancing act trying to justify both the roles, these female wonders live in guilt and pay a price for loving two things at a time. This they compensate by giving up any other form of ‘me’ time and remain in a never ending cycle of managing the two exclusive yet ever overlapping worlds. I remember a mother of a 4 year old telling me that for 6 years before she became a mother she had a career, but now for last 4 years she just has a job. True Story… I guess.

4. I belong to the Motherland…

All mothers, mind you all mothers start suffering from this acute OCD where their world revolves around nothing but their little bundle of joy. Even the ones who manage to compartmentalise their lives into the realms of motherhood and professionalism, are constantly drawn towards discussion revolving around their child. What the baby does, his responses, reactions to new recipes are the things that mothers (even at offices) find comfort in talking about. Even the social media updates and the display pictures (DPs) invariably comprise the latest pictures of the cute little munchkins.

5. Doomed by Judgement…

However much you decide not to be affected by others opinion on how to raise your child, you are constantly under the radar while taking care of your child. Especially if you are living with parents or in a joint family, you are privy to the constant do’s and don’ts as a mother. For some this flow of advice may be a welcome support, for others it may just be interference, which followed by individual verdicts on everything adds further to your agony.

In saying that none of the above things would have deterred me from this mind-blowing, physically and mentally challenging experience of motherhood. All I ask for is a little more patience and a little less judgment as I maneuver my way through Parenthood. Offering unwanted advice is like singing a song out-of tune. No one wants to hear it!

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14 Comments

Deepika October 30, 2017 at 11:48 am

I so agree with all the points! Especially the balancing act. Oh and I do belong to the motherland 😅

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Priyanka October 30, 2017 at 12:22 pm

Agree with every point mentioned here. And true, we are always being judged. Taking it in a positive way or sometimes being ignorant is better

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Grace October 30, 2017 at 11:37 pm

hahha! so true every single point. Nothing can ever prepare you for motherhood. NOTHING

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OPHIRA October 31, 2017 at 6:18 pm

This is so well written, and I resonate with every point. The continuous and intense job that is motherhood takes a long while accepting. There is no role as challenging as this.

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manveen October 31, 2017 at 10:01 pm

‘Doomed By Judgement.’ This is so painfully true and I really wish as a mom fraternity, our generation can vouch to put an end to it.
being a mom needs a heart of steel.

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Anchal October 31, 2017 at 11:46 pm

I actually felt upset when everyone was concerned about my baby and not me. You have given an eye opening post here.

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Roopika November 1, 2017 at 1:07 am

Loved reading the post. I could relate to each & every point stated. Whoever said a child brings love and closeness in couples is living in some kind-of bollywoodish shell! Atleast the first few months are real testing times for both the parents.

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Mamatha dilip November 1, 2017 at 9:26 am

All 5 points are bang on!! Especially the one about relationship with your spouse. We never had a fight before Baby but it has increased exponentially after baby as both of us care for the child and our parenting style is different

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Sanjivini November 1, 2017 at 10:48 am

Absolutely true. Everything applies to me too! Good to know i am not sailing alone in the boat!

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Shipra Trivedi November 1, 2017 at 11:51 pm

This is such an honest post dear. I used to hear all this before becoming a mother. But then happened a reality check. Loved this post.

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Deepa November 2, 2017 at 9:24 am

Oh Yes! It is all, not that rosy as it looks. Moms on social media make it look the best phase but it also has its ups and downs. I agree with all the points you mentioned.

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NEHA JAIN November 2, 2017 at 9:38 am

All the points are so true.. I guess everyone of us have gone through this.. but it is upto us how we make inner and outer peace in our personal lives.

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Kamana@SocialandStyle November 2, 2017 at 9:57 am

Thank you for such an honest post! As a new mom I really appreciate it.

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Dealman November 5, 2017 at 9:29 am

How easy it can be, having that first kid. Two parents working in tandem to raise their baby. Swapping getting up at night, so neither is really that tired. The fun, and enjoyment of watching your baby learn and grow. Your baby can have your undivided attention, and the interactions are fun.

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