Equal Parenting ? Not My Thing !

posted by Anupriya 20 Comments
Equal Parenting

I know. I know! I can already feel your piercing gaze with your raised eye brows questioning my sanity. After all what kind of a woman I am who does not want her husband to be an equal participant in our kids’ upbringing.  Uhhh! Let me make a confession. I’d love for my husband to be an equal parenting partner. The kind who can make adjustments to his work schedule and spend as much time with the kids as I do. Or the kind that would allow me to be able to commit to a job or atleast spend some me time. But I never see it panning out that way! But I am not complaining. Why?

That’s because, I know how genuinely busy my husband is. He works 14 hours a day. No he doesn’t have to work that much to make the ends meet. Yet who doesn’t like more money? Ahh! Just joking. My husband travels atleast 100- 150 km everyday for work and that surely takes up a lot of time. It makes it impossible for him to be on time for dinner before the boys go off to bed. They really miss him and sometimes my heart aches for my kids who hardly spend any time with their father on a daily basis. Doesn’t hurt much though! Why? Because we have come to an arrangement and as a couple, as parents we are trying to meet the equal parenting goals in our own unique way. Here’s how we are doing it –

Equal Parenting

Morning Time is Daddy Time

My husband starts work a little late. That’s because he realised that howsoever early he started, he would always end up at the same time at night. So we try and wake up the kids a little early and they can spend that hour with their dad. This time involves the Daddy getting the kids ready for school. Momma has only to play the supportive role of putting the uniform together and packing tiffin.

Weekends too are for Daddy Dear

Once we realised that equal parenting is not going to be our thing, we threw the 50-50 thing out of our window. The kids have a two day weekend off and both the mornings are booked with Daddy to take them to the park and have some outdoor play time. Sometimes Sunday evenings too are meant for kids to go out with both of us.

Technology Comes To Rescue

Even if he can’t be with the kids during the day, my husband makes sure to call atleast once during the day and check with our elder one (the younger can’t really hold useful conversations yet) on how his day at school went. And then there are other calls when my boy wants to wail out to his father on how I am being a torture for him, and they both conspire against me and plan to leave me out of their weekend plans. And a lot more happens over a call J

And we get ‘We Time’ too

Because the kids are asleep by the time husband gets back home, dinner is usually a quiet affair and we adults are able to spend some peaceful moments in each other’s company without the constant pressure of entertaining our insatiable kids. It’s done us a lot good I’d say (winks)

Communication is the Key

There came a point in time, when I would take certain calls about the kids all by myself (such as what hobby classes will my son join; the clothes that he wears etc. etc.). “What’s the point in asking you? It’s going to be just me who has to bear the brunt of the physical responsibilities such as drop-n-pick.” But then I realised the folly in my logic. By keeping my husband out of even the tiniest of details, I was taking away a part of his parenting joy (and some responsibility) So I started raking the husband’s brain for everything related to kids. To my surprise, and against my judgment, he was always all ears and patient enough to listen to me and provide his two bits of wisdom. In retrospect, I must confess that those two bits are really helpful and help me keep my blood pressure levels under control.

To all the mothers out there who feel that their husbands don’t contribute enough; and to all the husbands who feel that they are losing out on their kids growing years. Please understand that not all of us are blessed with similar work conditions where the idealistic concept of Equal Parenting may be possible. The key to happiness is to not fret over it, instead find another path that suits you and enables your kids to spend quality time with you both. An easy and joyful life is a by-product. And very desirably so!

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Sonia Chatterjee August 23, 2018 at 3:02 pm

A very practical way of dealing with a situation that is unavoidable. I love the maturity with which you have written this post.

Parul Thakur August 23, 2018 at 8:57 pm

I like your positive your post is. As much as people talk about equal parenting, what you and your husband are doing for your boys, is the practical way. The way it works. Good one on talking about the subject.

richa September 1, 2018 at 6:37 pm

I really loved reading the article and true this is a way more practical approach for the 50-50 parenting.

Kuheli September 2, 2018 at 4:03 pm

I was taken aback by your title, but I understand your reasoning . I have friends whose husbands work on the ship most of the year, to expect them to do pick up n drops is impossible . Also money and domesticity are equal right ? It’s when you are the bred winner as well as the homemaker that inequality sets I n.

Anupriya September 2, 2018 at 7:20 pm

Absolutely right on the money and domesticity point.

Varad September 4, 2018 at 12:37 pm

As a father, I appreciate your honesty and practical approach to parenting. Yes, a father’s role is very important in the upbringing of the kid but there are some instances where dedicating the same amount of time per day is practically not possible. In our house, I try to spend at least an hour with my kids in the evening before I open my blog. Modern age parenting is pretty rough and its only through understanding on the parents side they could sail through it. Very well written, Anupriya.

Prerna Wahi September 4, 2018 at 1:46 pm

Interesting take on it. I still feel no matter how busy a father is, he has to take out time for a child. If not on weekdays, weekends atleast!

Ms Arora September 4, 2018 at 2:39 pm

Mine is opposite ! Evenings are for daddy as we have to leave for school little early early.#msarorasays

Neha Sharma September 4, 2018 at 6:12 pm

I loved the positive vibes in your post. However, I still feel that professional and family life should be given an equal weightage. Work will be there whole life but kids grow every day. We as working professionals should know our rights and one of that rights say working during the office work hours only. Solutions are always there, it’s just which part of our life we consider a problem. I am really happy to read how strongly you are managing so much. Kudos to the mommy power!

Neha Gupta September 4, 2018 at 6:58 pm

I agree with you.Sometimes husbands work keep them so busy in running the family ,even that is also very important part contributing to the growth of the kids !!

Jayanthi Manikandan September 4, 2018 at 10:08 pm

Very nice idea to balance the parental duties! 🙂

Sonam Jain September 4, 2018 at 10:43 pm

I so agree with you.. A fathers role can never be same like mothers. No matter how much you try. In the initial years of childhood too the kid needs mom for whatever reasons and even of fathers wants too be equal he cannot. I love this post of yours

Tina September 4, 2018 at 11:20 pm

agree with this. I too have made weekend is daddy time rule in the house. My husband starts late too for work, so giving the son a bath has become his duty now! But the best part is he does all that!

Tamanna September 8, 2018 at 9:12 pm

In a lot of circumstances, equal parenting is not possible, agreed. But men take it for granted that because they are working, they need rest on their time off. This makes it difficult for the SAHM to manage and balance things at her end. Having said that, I am glas you’ve found your balance.

Dr Bushra September 9, 2018 at 1:13 am

How Beautifully you both are balancing the parenting part which is appreciating. Very inspiring read. #myfriendalexa #dewreads

Surbhi Mahobia September 10, 2018 at 3:21 pm

Glad that your wrote about it. Fathers role is always underestimated. Both you are doing great. #myfriendalexa #surreads #blogchatter

Purva Bhatia September 10, 2018 at 8:40 pm

The headline did raise my eyebrows! To each his own I guess. It should work between the couple, whatever works. Honestly, I am okay doing a lot of things myself for the baby because I’ll have to do it again as it is if my husband does it 😉 haha. So in that regard I am also okay with non-equal parenting!

Supriya September 11, 2018 at 3:44 pm

very nicely written. Spread positivity

Roseann Hampton October 23, 2018 at 5:41 am

I believe you have to do what works for your family and it sounds like you have found that happy medium! Thanks for sharing with us at The Blogger’s Pit Stop!

Kathleen Aherne October 25, 2018 at 5:01 pm

It sounds like you have found a good system that works for you and your boys, I love the effort that your husband is making for you all, that is sweet.
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