In the first post of this four post series of ‘Karmic Fitness’ theme this month, I told you about how one needs to train oneself at three levels (physical, mental and emotional) to not criticize others and appreciate them genuinely. Why it is very important to sow the seeds of appreciation and non-criticism to reap similar fruits. You can read about my endeavor to practice this aspect of karma here.
After completing the challenges of week 1 of the Karmic fitness program I was kind of prepared for any kind of task in the coming week. After all as a highly opinionated person, I have consciously begun to refrain from even mentally criticizing anyone. Any other task, I presumed, would surely be a cake walk in comparison. Or so I thought! I guess the universe is hell bent on proving me wrong.
In the second week of Karmic Fitness Program, Neha Jain of GMCKS Lightworkers has set a target to not speak unnecessary lies. View full video here. My first thought was, ‘Oh that’s easy! I have never lied even to my boss. Never ever come up with excuses for reaching the office late, or not completing an assignment. Either I have done it, or I have not.’ So no deceiving karma there. But then a harsh reality struck me in the gut.
I am perpetually lying to my 5 year old, making up stories so that he gives up on his tantrums. At other times, I come up with the most innovative of excuses or answers just to put the kid at ease and not pursue topics that seem irrelevant for him. When I heard Neha’s perspective on ‘a lie is a lie is a lie’, I was very irritated. Hey I don’t mean any harm! I just wish to preserve his innocence. This is my justification to several imaginative yet untrue stories that I weave to cater to my kids’ questions. You want to know about these stories? Here’s a glimpse into my day –
- Nik’s cousin has a holiday at school. If he comes to know that she isn’t going to school, he will not go either. So when he wakes up and asks why Kairavi hasn’t come down yet, I tell him that she had early school and has left for school already. I know that by the time the little girl comes down, Nik will be gone to school. Yes I sometimes lie that early in the morning!
- I need to go meet a relative at the hospital. And we all know that kids are not allowed in hospitals. My younger one will cling onto me, if I am around and will not let me go. So I tell my domestic help to take him upstairs on the pretext of playing with a new toy and slip out of the home. It is deceiving the child, in the karmic dictionary.
- And this one (I think every parent is guilty of this lie). Whenever the elders have to go somewhere without the kids and the kids throw a tantrum that they will go too, our number one alibi is the doctor. It’s a little ridiculous, because the kids can see that we are dressed for a party or a family occasion, yet ‘We are going to the doctor’ (*me sighs*)
The Karmic expert says that when you speak such unnecessary and white lies to your kids, they will grow up to believe that it is ok to lie as long as you stick to the ‘non harm meant’ intention. But who is deciding that boundary for them. It is a possibility that they actually cross the line not knowing that they have done so.
All this gyaan apart, I am sure you want to know what I did as a corrective action. So, during the subsequent week, I tried to be reasonable and benevolent in actually talking things out with my kid. Here’s a little peep into my life after the karmic enlightenment–
- The next time when I got ready to go to the doctor and told Nik so, his response was, “I know you are saying this to make me happy. Actually you are going to meet your friend” stumped me. Oh God! It took me half an hour to explain to him that we were actually going to the doctor to show grandmother’s health check-up reports and that we genuinely couldn’t take him along. Amidst tears and pleas we did manage to leave home and reach the clinic as per appointment. But I hear from my co-sister that the boy was adamant that we weren’t going to return home for dinner as we would eat with our friends.
- I did not try to cover up when Nik asked me about the difference in human anatomy of mamma(s) and Papa(s). “Why do mammas have big chests, but papas don’t ?” were his exact words. I wouldn’t mind explaining to him the reason so much, only if he hadn’t asked this question when we were all having dinner, the entire family together (yes, the entire family with my father-in-law, husband and his brother all on the scene along with the ladies of the house) There was pin drop silence. I contemplated for a moment to tell him that I’ll take this up off-line with you. But because I was on a Karmic Cleansing mission, I took a deep breath and spoke, “Mammas need bags to store milk for little babies, so god gave us two bags on our chests.” Thankfully he was satisfied with the answer. Though I wanted the earth to split and consume me, I held a strong ground and scuttled out to fetch something from the kitchen at the first opportunity.
The above two instances are just a glimpse into a long and testing week. But I realised one thing. Life’s easy when you know that you don’t have to be too innovative and come up with stories to cover up your acts at the drop of a hat. Kids cry, howl and make a big deal of a lot of things. But eventually they do grow up to understand and trust their parents. They know that their parents will not make any excuses or lie to them at any cost.
Which I guess is a good thing!
Have you ever had to face situations, where you thought that a cover up story is the only way out with your kids? Do share your story here.
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