“Why do you have to do this?”
“What kind of a behavior is that?”
“You will create all this mess, and I will clean it up? Am I your mother or a maid?”
“Why do you keep fighting with your cousin?”
“Please have another bite, please! Ok I will switch the television on… please now have a bite..”
“God! Why wouldn’t you listen? I have been after you for the entire day. Have not been able to get one pence of work done today.”
This was me until a few months ago. I was always tired and fatigued. And then, I was constantly surrounded by women, old (whose kids are now grown up) and young (who have no kids yet) who didn’t stop singing eulogies about how blessed I was to have such cute little kids. Little yes, but cute? They seem more devilish to me. I wished to retort, but I knew something was amiss within me only. Because all those moms on the social media have such a pally equation with their kid(s). They keep blowing the trumpet of gentle parenting, when I am constantly struggling to not raise my voice at my kids. Despite reading up so much on parenting techniques, and writing too much myself about parenting experiences, there definitely had to be something I was not doing right. But what? Everytime I raised my voice, I wondered what is it about child behavior that I am not able to put my finger on.
I continued to read, and analyse what other people wrote and thought about parenting and child behavior. Some grace was saved when I realised that almost most parents (yes, even the celebrity ones) struggled with child behavior when it came to getting your kids to listen to them. But then one day, in a eureka moment, I decided to emulate child behavior, to see if I could understand him better. And understand I did. So here are my two bits of wisdom that I gained during this experiment –
Call out, and then call out again
I observed that whenever I didn’t respond to Nik calling me, he kept repeating, continuously calling out for me. So I did the same. And yes! He eventually yielded. Every single time, he did. Slowly we have created a rapport of sorts, where I particular volume and tone is the norm. No one is allowed to break the protocol.
Create the mess with them, And then clean it together
There is this constant urge among kids to throw things around, tear off newspapers, and just have everything on the floor at their hands distance. Lately, I allow them to do whatever they want to. Ofcourse keeping the unsafe items off their reach. Even indulge with them every now and then. And once they are done, before they are exhausted, I play a competition game with them, “Who cleans up the fastest?” It works!
Use Animation, Be their Entertainment
I realised whatever that kids do when they don’t listen to you is because it gives them joy and keeps them amused. So lately, I try to be their amusement. Animated conversations, making a production of my actions and reactions making sure to smile all the while is the new way of communicating with them. Trust me, when you become the good happy go lucky kid, your kids become the responsible ones, ofcourse in their own cute ways.
Involve Them In Decision Making with Restricted Options
It may sound a little preposterous, but trust me kids however young like to be treat as adults. They are more receptive when you treat them as equals. I took a lot of time to practive this virtue, but now when I have finally got the hang of it, life definitely is slightly easier. But you really can’t throw the world to them if they demanded. So restrict their options. I never tell my elder one what to wear. I lay teo sets of clothes on the bed and ask him to decide what he wants to wear. There are two games/toys that I show him and ask him what he would like to have for his birthday gift. Trust me, this is my ace parenting tool to deal with kid tantrums.
Shut Out From The World
You are the parent, you know your child best. Do not succumb to the pressure of social conditioning when someone comes up summoning you, because you child has been running around relentlessly around the banquet hall. Or he has been watching the screen for quite long. Yes you have to take corrective actions, but do not work yourself up. Keep Calm and do the kaam of conditioning your child later.
Remember that parenting is a never –ending responsibility. Burning yourself out will not work. Your becoming upset will not help either. Trust god for bestowing you with this responsibility. ‘You can do it’ is the only reason why you are being made to do it. And as all the grannies always say,
“When you know, you HAVE to do something, make sure you feel elated after having done it. Not exhausted.”
This post is a part of Momology blog train hosted by Thoughts by Geethica, Slimexpectations, Mummasaurus and Yours Truly Roma sponsored by FirstCry Intellikit, Instacuppa, Diet Funda, Hugs n tugs, Tina Basu, Unorthodoxpeeps, Lotus Herbals baby and Shumee toys.
“I would like to thank the amazing Mahati Ramya from www.fantasticfeathers.in for introducing me in the Momology Blog Train. And now it’s time to introduce Neha Sharma who blogs at www.growingwithnemit.com